you can take a break and still succeed

for the ambitious women who don't know when to take a seat

I’ve been working since I was 16 years old. My first job was as a teacher’s assistant at a Montessori learning center aka daycare. After that I worked the front desk of Massage Envy Spa, a popular franchise. That felt like my first “big girl job”. I made friends there and started to realize how much I enjoyed making my own money, even though I didn’t have any bills at the time. After that I started looking for work that would give me the hospitality industry experience to compliment my college studies and my goal to become a successful event planner. I learned what it meant to really hustle. If I ever thought about leaving a job, I would hold onto it while I started the new job just to make sure I had a backup.

I worked 2 jobs the majority of my 20s. When I decided to start my side hustle which is now my business that I run full time, I still had a job. It felt like I had endless energy; jumping from one place to the place, making friends, partying hard, being irresponsible on so many different levels, and building skills to add to my resume. I just knew that all of the hard work I was putting in would pay off one day.

The truth is that the endless hard work has brought me connections, moments of success, plenty of personal and business growth, but has left me super depleted and brainwashed. I’ve been brainwashed into thinking that being successful requires giving endlessly, showing face to please others, sacrificing my rest and relaxation for tasks that could be done the next day, and saying yes to all the opportunities at once.

Redefining Work Ethic

As a Black woman it is a known fact that we typically have to work 10x harder than our white or non-Black counterparts in order to be seen, believed, or invested in. This belief has resulted in most of us burning out and losing touch with our feminine energy, which connects us the ability to trust, rest and receive. The belief for most of us is that we have to prove our worth and go the extra mile in order to get what we want, and that rest must be earned after hard work is done.

Imagine working non-stop like a psychopath for 17 years. It eventually catches up to you. This is where I currently am: learning how to redefine “work ethic”. I’ve mastered the American, capitalistic definition of it but now I want to tap into the feminine, trusting and “already worthy” side of it. After working on the ugly and programmed parts of my psyche (the shadow) for a few years now, I now understand that my work ethic has nothing to do with my worth and deservingness to succeed. We are all born to succeed in our own individual way. But working and burning yourself out doesn’t make you any more worthy or deserving of what you think is on the other side. I’m learning that to get to that other side you must first see your own value, worth and deservingness in order to open up that magical portal to success.

This past Sunday at La Jolla Beach

After moving to San Diego and being forced to slow down by half the speed I was operating at in NJ most of my life, a lot of things have become clear. Clarity doesn’t always feel like “aha”. It sometimes feels like grief, sadness or fear. While working through these moments of clarity and understanding the way that my soul is currently craving to show up and work, I’ve had to come to terms that it doesn’t actually feel good to be busy all the time. And honey, I have definitely THRIVED the last few years when I was “booked & busy”. But being busy doesn’t necessarily equal more money, and that’s something I was programmed to believe. I was taught that rest = lazy and work = valuable. What they don’t tell you is that work - rest = burnout. And burnout without an intentional self care treatment plan will eventually leave you with a loss of desire towards the things you once got excited to work towards.

Take the break.

Schedule the massage.

Go for the extra long walk.

Turn off your computer to catch the sunset.

Delegate the task that’s mentally draining you.

Get off social media for a day or two.

Create without an attachment or expectation.

Make a playlist that will immediately boost your mood.

These are things that could really make a difference in your quality of life and the way you show up to work, ESPECIALLY as a creative. Our creativity just hits different when our cup is full and we have given ourselves a chance to just…breathe. And while you may be fearful or anxious about what you’ll miss out on, who you’re going to disappoint, or how much control you’re giving up, I promise you that your nervous system and inner child will thank you later.

What To Expect Here

I took a bit of a break from this publication but I’m happy to be back with clarity, a new sense of direction, and less promises. When I started this new blog the intention was to provide a space for creatives, entrepreneurs, business owners and ambitious women to come to for business advice, creativity boosting tips, wellness + conscious lifestyle content, etc. And that still stands. However, I won’t be overdelivering, overpromising, or undervaluing myself for the sake of subscribers or potential clients. This will be an intentional space where I share what I’ve learned, what I am learning, and how I can add value to other women’s lives who are seeking out what I offer.

Going forward, the podcast and live videos will be shared when I feel like I have something to share, not out of obligation or scheduled commitments. I want this to feel organic, inspirational, vulnerable, safe and real. If you feel called to become a paid subscriber to support my purpose, creativity and contribution towards society then I will greatly appreciate it. If you don’t feel called or cannot offer monetary support at this time, I get it. Trust me, I really do. However, I do ask that if you do enjoy my content that you share it with a friend, to your socials, or restack it right here on Substack. Leaving a comment and liking this post will also allow me to see that this work is reaching the right people.

Please take care of yourself this week and do something that you’ve been pushing off. It’s time. Cancer season is a time to nurture, care, reflect and replenish your mind, body and soul. I promise that your to do list will still be there after you’ve poured into yourself. Until next time!

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About me:

I’m Marissa — CEO & founder of Real Rhythm Dance & Fitness, movement artist, podcast host & producer, travel planner & retreat host, wellness advocate, and confidence coach for women who are ready to live life in full expression.

I created this space because I know what it’s like to hustle, hold it all together, and still feel like something’s missing. Through movement, self-care, and mindset work, I’ve helped hundreds of women reconnect with their bodies, their confidence, and their own definition of success & creativity — and now I’m sharing those lessons here, with you.

On this publication, you’ll find honest reflections on redefining work ethic, soft ambition, leadership with soul, building unwavering faith, and what it really looks like to create a life that feels good — not just looks good.

This isn’t just about business. It’s about building something real, rooted, and aligned — from the inside out. Apply to work with me 1:1 here or book a retreat here

Real vibes only. Always.

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Feel free to subscribe to my other publication below to get to know me on a deeper level and explore other topics outside of entrepreneurship, wellness and creativity. My first podcast, "Let’s Just Be Real with Marissa Tonge” is featured there and I share additional content to go with weekly episodes.